Noah Herrin opens with a vulnerable story about an early marriage fight to illustrate how common and painful marital conflict can be. Using Song of Songs 5 as his primary passage, he shows that the root of most fights is selfishness and that marriage must be treated as a covenant (what can we get out of this?) rather than a contract (what can I get?). He gives a practical conflict model - treat conflict like a friendly game of tennis - and lays out concrete rules for protecting unity (no name-calling, no shouting, no historical re‑hashing, never say “divorce,” spouse before kids). He closes by urging gospel-shaped forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32): rebuild trust one day and one honoring sentence at a time, and let Christ’s forgiveness shape how you forgive your spouse.
“I lean forward and I say, 'You forgot your cell phone charger.' And I throw the charger straight through the window.” · Noah Herrin
Take it with you
Practice the 'tennis' model: address the issue directly, mirror back your spouse's feeling, ask questions, and seek unity over being right. Put these protective rules into practice: no name-calling, no raised voices, avoid 'always/never' statements, don't resurrect forgiven sins, and don't involve friends or family in private conflicts. When trust is damaged, rebuild it one honoring sentence, one date night, and one day at a time; rely on gospel-shaped forgiveness as your model.
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